


Oh, This Pull

by aromanticjungkook (missbutterfly)



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Romance, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 08:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbutterfly/pseuds/aromanticjungkook
Summary: Yuzu isn't ready for Javi to move back to Spain, not really.





	Oh, This Pull

**Author's Note:**

> SWEET LORD THANK U GOD THIS IS FINALLY DONE ;;;;;
> 
> (this is un-beta'ed so if anything is wrong i'll catch it tomorrow, i need to leave this library before i go insane)

Ever since the Olympics, the club has been buzzing with a weird underlying melancholy. Javi had chosen to leave it a while until he moved back to Spain permanently. However, despite not having any need for training, he’d been spending almost all of his time at rink, playing around more than attending any of the classes.

In turn, Yuzu has been doing his best to convince himself that everything will be fine, that though Javi will be gone, life will continue as normal. Which, deep down, he knows it will, but that doesn’t stop every cell in his body aching at the thought of it happening.

But when Javi corners him, taking him by the waist like he always does, Yuzu admits - quietly, tightly - that he’s going to miss him.

Yuzu is in the middle of composing himself, ready to step back and end the tiny, embarrassing moment he’d gotten himself into when Javi blurts it out.

“Come to my place tonight. We can watch a movie or something,” Javi says.

Yuzu’s eyes snap up to Javi’s. They’re wide, almost like the offer caught Javi himself off guard. Yuzu knows the feeling.

They don't do this. Yuzu doesn’t do this; he never accepts the invitations. When he was young - bold and shameless, lacking English and desperate to spend as much time with Javi as possible - he was always quick to say yes to any offers to hang out but never to Javi’s apartment. That was a line he’d never even thought to cross. Then things got difficult; Yuzu became the best, there was no time to do anything other than skate. Then, suddenly, it was too much to see Javi so often. Too painful. Javi - wonderful, warm, accommodating, sweet, kind Javi - had stared after him every day, his mouth twisted bitterly, but had left him to it. Then he had started ignoring him in kind. Yuzu had tried to not let it get to him, but everyday his chest ached from how much he wanted to reach out. He’d waited, Javi went through a rough season, and Yuzu had to sit and watch. Then there was Yuzu’s injury, and then there was the Olympics and then, and then, and then.

Yuzu should pull away from Javi, smile at him, and wish him good luck for the future. Yuzu should think of how much deep this could cut.

“Ok,” he says. The word spills out of him before he even has the chance to force it back. 

Yuzu catches the way Javi’s mouth slackens, the way his throat works, how his eyebrows furrow and his eyes glimmer. Yuzu wants to look away. It's almost too much. Under that stare Yuzu feels naked, like Javi can read every secret Yuzu has kept bitten back - every thought he’s tried so desperately to hide.

The way Javi’s face lights up is worth it.

\----

When Yuzu arrives that night he immediately notices how tense Javi is. There’s a smile on his face but the strain around his eyes and in his shoulders is evident. 

It’s confusing, because Javi had seemed so up for having fun. Yuzu had been certain that tonight he would have been able to let himself sink into their usual light atmosphere. Javi’s talent at getting someone to relax in his presence was one of the first things Yuzu ever noticed about him. 

However, something is off tonight.

Clearly sticking to what he’d said that afternoon, Javi puts a film on almost as soon as Yuzu finishes taking his shoes off. Yuzu blinks over at the TV screen. Judging from the opening credits its something he likes but he eyes Javi, disgruntled. Javi hadn’t even hugged him in greeting.

Effie looks up at him from where she’s curled in the armchair before putting her head back down, clearly uninterested. Yuzu considers his options before making his way over to her. He kneels down in front of her but doesn’t reach out, just regards her quietly. He smiles at her, wanting to see if her fur is as soft as it looks, but respecting her space. Cats need to come to you first after all. 

Yuzu scrunches his nose at her before standing up. He jumps, a hand flying to his chest, when he turns to see Javi staring at him from where he’s perched on the couch.

“What?” he asks defensively.

Javi just shakes his head, bringing back his smile that finally looks genuine. “She’s a little shy around strangers, she’ll warm up to you eventually.”

Yuzu grins. “I know,” he says. “I’ll be her favourite.”

Javi rolls his eyes at him. “I’m sure,” he says and then points to the other end of the sofa. “Sit down, or you’ll miss the movie.”

Yuzu feels like he should point out that he’s seen this one at least 20 times, but decides against it, doing as he’s told and plonking himself down, happy enough to spend his time with Javi in relative quiet.

Half way through the film, Yuzu looks over at Javi and snorts. In what Yuzu can only assume is an interesting attempt to try and copy his cat, he’s curled himself into an uncomfortable ball, his head propped up on the arm rest. Hearing the noise Javi glances up and meets Yuzu’s amused gaze. 

“Leave me alone,” he half-whines. “I’m comfy.”

“No you’re not,” Yuzu states, matter of fact. Then, he gets an idea. 

He sits up properly and scours the floor in search of the cushions they had discarded earlier. He locates one of them with a little victorious yell, settles his feet on the floor and flops the cushion on his thighs. With a sunny smile he turns back to Javi and gestures to it. Javi watches him, oddly wary, then, upon realising Yuzu’s intention, his eyes widen. 

“Lay down,” Yuzu says, patting the cushion. Thankfully, he’d picked up one of the softer ones. 

For a while Javi just looks at him, unmoving. A stab of uncertainty shoots through him, but Yuzu doesn’t waver, purposefully locking eyes with Javi. 

“Lay down, or get bad neck,” he says, still smiling. 

Javi finally laughs, “That sounds like a threat.”

“Not threat,” Yuzu says, narrowing his eyes into a playful glare. “Not yet.”

Uncurling from his uncomfortable position Javi groans. As he sits up he twists his next from side to side, sighing at it cracks. 

“Told you,” Yuzu snarks. He ducks away from Javi’s swiping hand. 

“Yes, yes, you’re so much cleverer than me.” 

Javi flops down onto the cushion unceremoniously, wiggling around to try and get comfortable while also being the biggest nuisance he could possible be. Yuzu places his palm on the side of Javi’s head and holds it down in retaliation, giggling as Javi huffs and finally stills. 

“There!” Yuzu declares proudly. “Comfy.” 

Javi grunts as Yuzu pushes his face harder into the cushion, “So comfy.” 

With one final little shove, Yuzu releases him with a honking laugh. He watches fondly as Javi nuzzles deeper into the cushion with a content sigh. Yuzu counts it as a win. The pressure on his thighs is light, he’ll be able to stay this way for the rest of their movie, so he wiggles into the groove he made on the back of the sofa. 

Despite the strangeness that had occured when he’d arrived, Yuzu can’t bring himself to be surprised at how easily he’s come to feel at ease in Javi’s home. Even when he’s in a mood Javi’s presence has always been able to calm Yuzu down - settle a strange bundle of anxiety that lingers in his stomach. Everything is easier with him; competitions, training, travelling. A gnawing feeling picks up in his stomach and he huffs, annoyed with himself. His mind keeps running away from him; no matter how much he tries to avoid thinking about the fact that, soon, Javi won’t be here. It’s particularly frustrating because it’s not like Yuzu has been without Javi before. But, he supposes, this is different. Final. 

His chest clenching painfully, he traces the edge of Javi’s profile with his gaze. In the low light he looks hazy, faded, like someone smudged the lines of him with their finger. Despite that, the cut of his jaw and the curl of his eyelashes look as attractive as ever. It’s strange. This isn’t an angle Yuzu often sees of him, looking down like this, but he likes it, likes being able to look as much as he wants. 

His breath picks up. Yuzu reaches out impulsively. He’s always loved Javi’s hair. With his own being straight and boring, Javi’s unruly curls were fascinating in comparison. Sadly, he has a tendency to keep it short these days but it’s still just as soft when Yuzu sinks his fingers into it. He feels Javi tense at the unexpected touch, but he continues. If this is his last day with Javi for a while then he’s going to let himself indulge for once.

After a few seconds Javi finally unclenches, the stiff line of his shoulders all but melting under Yuzu’s attention. He really is almost exactly like his cat, all he’s missing is the ginger hair. Yuzu tries his best to hold in a laugh at the image but he doesn’t quite manage.

“What?” Javi grumbles.

“Nothing,” Yuzu says through his giggling, then he yelps when Javi pinches the underside of his thigh.

“Ok!” Yuzu huffs. “I think Javi is like Effie, with no orange hair.”

Javi snorts, “I like my hair how it is, thanks.”

Yuzu hums, pretending to consider it. “I don’t know,” he says cheekily. “I think brown hair is boring.”

That earns him another thigh pinch and he squirms, Javi’s head bouncing on the pillow. “Stop!” Yuzu whines.

“You can’t say anything about boring hair,” Javi says, briefly stroking over the area he had pinched. It’s too soft a touch, and it tickles slightly, but Yuzu doesn’t ask him to stop.

To distract himself from the sensation Yuzu looks around the room, “W-where’s Effie?” he stutters, embarrassed. 

“Probably wandered off somewhere to sleep,” Javi says, finally removing his hand. “Cats do that all the time.” Then, a loud laugh bursts out of him.

Startled, Yuzu asks, “What’s funny?” 

“You thought you’d be her favourite, but she’s off to do her own thing and will only stop ignoring you when she feels like it,” Javi says, then he smirks wryly. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

Yuzu rolls his eyes and stops his petting to bop the top of Javi’s head as Javi chuckles.

“Yes I get it. I am cat,” Yuzu says. He pauses and then corrects himself. “I am _a_ cat.”

Javi smiles into the cushion. “Yes you are,” he says. “And if I didn’t already have two wonderful cats, you’d be my favourite.”

Yuzu’s heart flutters and he has swallow down the swelling bubble of happiness in his throat. His fingers tremble slightly where they’re still resting on Javi’s head. 

“If you keep doing that I’m going to fall asleep,” Javi slurs, teasing.

Yuzu’s smile feels fragile but he keeps it in place, teeth locking firmly into his bottom lip. “Lazy Javi,” he says. He tugs lightly on Javi’s hair and snickers at his irritated grunt. Yuzu gentles his touch, sliding his fingers along Javi’s scalp, playing with the curls, ruffling them a bit with his fingertips. Javi’s lets out a content hum.

Yuzu considers Javi’s slack face for a second. He does look tired. “You can sleep,” he decides, keeping his voice low.

Yuzu doesn’t expect the way Javi’s eyes snap open, or how he turns over onto his back to he can see him properly. Yuzu blinks down at him, surprised, and his hand drops away from Javi’s hair. 

“You’d really let me sleep?” Javi asks, suddenly alert.

What a stupid question. “You’re tired,” Yuzu says, a tad incredulous. “So yes.”

He watches Javi closely, eyebrows furrowed.

“You’re really going to me miss me aren’t you?” Javi finally asks, his voice thick with something Yuzu can’t place.

The question strikes Yuzu deep in his chest.

“Of course…,” Yuzu responds, trying to ignore the heat rising in his cheeks. “Ja-Javi is important.”

Javi’s mouth twists. “To skating?” he asks, though it’s comes out as more of a statement, sounding strangely weak. Yuzu’s head is spinning. He thinks back, trying to connect how they went from happily watching a film to this. 

He doesn’t want to talk about this. Tonight was supposed to be calm. He’d planned for every eventuality; was prepared for tonight to be quiet, maybe a bit awkward, full of laughter, or even strained, but the bitter pull of Javi’s mouth was not something he’d thought about. 

“Yes but,” Yuzu says. He pauses, breath catching, holding Javi’s gaze with his own. “Important for me too.”

Something flickers across Javi’s face for a second, too quick for Yuzu to catch. He doesn’t like it - being unable to understand exactly what Javi is thinking. Javi has never been complicated to Yuzu before. 

“Javi?” He asks, voice tight. 

The silence between them is unsettling. Yuzu has always attributed Javi with sound; his laughter, his jokes, the little amused noises he makes while watching the kids at the rink play around, or even just the sound of his body, always moving, tapping, clicking his fingers to a beat. Even when they were watching the film, he’s being laughing along, rustling about. A quiet Javi is usually a troubled Javi. 

Yuzu must be broadcasting how tense he is because Javi’s hand comes up to rest on his cheek, offering comfort like he always does, even when Yuzu doesn’t need it. The problem is, Yuzu often does need it, despite how quick he is to often reject it. Wanting comfort isn’t a weakness but part of Yuzu has always lurched at the idea of making people worry. However, regardless of whether he’s asked for it, Javi has always been nearby, waiting, with his arms open, ready to accept Yuzu into his embrace. No matter how many times Yuzu has pushed him away. Yuzu shudders as he settles into the warmth of Javi’s palm, and just like that all the tension bleeds out of him.

Yuzu looks back down at him with a curious look - a silent ‘what’s wrong’ - still not sure how Javi is feeling. 

“Nothing, I’m just,” Javi pauses, his smile back. “I’m just enjoying your company. I’ve missed it.”

That’s stings but Yuzu stands by what he did - what he had to do. It aches that Javi is leaving, but when Yuzu thinks back, he wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Yuzu bites his lip. “I wish I’m sorry,” he says, quiet and firm. “But I’m not sorry.”

The expression that crosses Javi’s face isn’t what he expects. Yuzu has been on the receiving end of many of Javi’s sad looks before; usually they’re puppy-eyed, unintentionally guilt-inducing in their effectiveness. This is different. The twist of his mouth, the way his eyes are staring steadfast, shining. 

Yuzu can hardly bear it.

“I know,” is all Javi says. He strokes his thumb delicately over the curve of Yuzu’s cheek. 

“Sorry,” Yuzu blurts out, shaken.

The weight of Javi’s stare feels like the summer sun on his skin; almost too warm, sinking down to his bones. When he smiles, Yuzu has to fight to keep his breath steady. Javi is too close - his smile is too close. Yuzu can count all of the lines around Javi’s eyes, cataloging all of the ones that only appeared recently. In the low light, his eyes appear almost black. It’s always startling to realise how easily Yuzu could fall into them, how easily he could lose hours locked in that gaze. He’s thankful, suddenly, that he’s had all those years of practice. If this was his first time being close to Javi he would have certainly lost his mind. However, he still can’t quite seem to bring himself to look away. 

Yuzu must look distant because the next sweep of Javi’s thumb is slightly firmer than the rest. Yuzu blinks, bringing himself back to the room. Javi’s smile remains patient.

“I forgive you,” Javi says. Yuzu doesn’t need his forgiveness, not about this, Javi likely knows that too, but it’s nice to hear all the same. 

There’s a strange finality to Javi’s words, like if Yuzu were to continue the conversation it would ruin it. He lets words linger in the silence, basking in them. The warmth of Javi’s hand lulls his eyes closed, and he leans downwards slightly to let reduce the stress on Javi’s arm. For a second he thinks he hears Javi gasp.

“Javi, okay?” He mumbles, too comfortable to open his eyes, resting his cheek fully against Javi’s palm. 

His eyebrows furrow when he feels the weight lift from his thighs. Just as he’s about to call Javi’s name again, he feels a quick press of heat and breath underneath his chin. He startles, eyes flying open to see Javi settling back against the cushion, face bashful.

“Sorry,” Javi says quickly. “I was aiming for your cheek, but…”

Yuzu gapes down at him. He can feel the burn rising in his cheeks. Javi’s hand comes away from his face leaving his flushed skin cold. 

“Wha-” Yuzu stutters out, his heart thudding uncomfortably in his chest. “What?”

Javi looks conflicted for a second, his eyebrows doing that weird thing they do when he’s nervous. Yuzu watches his tongue dart out to wet his lips and it sinks in that Javi really kissed him. 

Yuzu feels his vision dimming, an old familiar panic setting in. This isn’t right. They don’t do this. Javi and he, they-they don’t push it, never this far. Yuzu hides all he feels and Javi pretends he doesn’t see it. That’s how they’ve worked, that’s how they’ve remained like this for so long. Besides, Javi is leaving soon, there’s no way this can happen tonight. 

It can’t. 

But he wants it to, God does Yuzu want it.

Yuzu’s mouth opens but he has nothing to say, can’t get his mind to start working well enough to form words. 

“I,” Javi starts, and then swallows thickly, his eyes darting all over Yuzu’s face. “Should I be sorry?”

Yuzu feels like he should say yes, but he can’t. His words are stuck, and honestly, it would be a lie. Instead, Yuzu shakes his head almost frantically. He doesn’t want to - never wants to - hear an apology for that. The anxiousness across Javi’s face disappears, eyes crinkling slightly again. 

“You aren’t saying anything,” Javi says, voice low. 

Yuzu’s jaw works again, but he still can’t force any words out. A choked whimper is the best he can do. As soon as he hears it he floods with embarrassment, cheeks rapidly reddening under Javi’s gaze. He grasps at Javi’s shirt tightly, desperately, in lieu of finding something to say. 

_Please, don’t stop._

_Please, don’t leave me._

So many words he can’t ever speak aloud. 

Thankfully, Javi has always been able to understand him. 

Javi rests his hand over Yuzu’s fist, the curl of his fingers encompassing Yuzu’s hand almost entirely. He strokes his thumb over Yuzu’s knuckles, tender and sweet like he always is. For some reason it’s almost on the verge of too much. Every inch of Yuzu’s skin feel hypersensitive; every touch making his nerves sing; every brush of the rough skin of Javi’s thumb makes him shiver. 

Yuzu watches, still clinging, as Javi sits up, keeping Yuzu’s hand firmly pressed against his chest. He arranges himself on the couch next to Yuzu, eyes never leaving his face. Yuzu sits, barely breathing, as Javi seems to be putting something together in his head. His face always betrays how hard he’s thinking about something. The familiar, strained pull around his eyes is oddly comforting.

Slowly, Javi reaches out, uncharacteristically tentative. The way the curve of his palm fits perfectly along Yuzu’s jaw is nothing new, but for some reason, this particular touch feels different - revenant. Javi has always held him as if he was something to be protected - something that helped spark these feelings all those years ago - but now, he’s holding him like Yuzu is something precious, something that he cherishes. Javi’s thumb sweeps gently underneath Yuzu’s full bottom lip and Yuzu can feel the way his eyelashes flutter, feel the way his heart beats furiously in his chest, too loud. 

“Yuzu,” Javi starts, voice barely a whisper. “Close your eyes.”

Yuzu is weak to do anything but comply.

Tense, Yuzu waits, anticipation red hot in his stomach, starbursts forming behind his eyelids. He’s certain Javi can feel the way his hand is trembling against his chest.

For a while, nothing happens. The rhythmic, feathlight stroke against his skin calms him until his shoulders loosen. Perhaps that’s what Javi was hoping for, because suddenly, Yuzu feels the heat of him, close - so, so close. Then he feels it again; pressure and warmth and Javi’s breath against his cheek. Once. Twice. Over and over again. 

Yuzu gasps with each warm brush of his lips; against his cheek bone, his temple, the middle of his forehead, directly between his eyebrows, the softest part of his cheek, the scar on his chin. Nowhere goes untouched. Each kiss brings a gentle rasp of Javi’s stubble, the soft feeling of his breath, the heat of his skin. It’s like being lit up from the inside.

Javi continues his path, kissing everywhere he can reach, before he settles one final tiny dry peck on the very tip of his nose. For a second Yuzu thinks, deliriously, that Javi is going to pull away, but he doesn’t. He stays close, pressing their foreheads together, the hand on Yuzu’s jawline starting to shake.

“Is this okay?” he asks, and it’s said so gently that it knocks the air from Yuzu’s lungs. 

For a second a hysterical laugh threatens to burst out of him. How could this not be okay? This is everything he’s ever wanted. He doesn’t say that though, would never be able to find the words to. 

Yuzu leans closer, pulls Javi in by the grip on his shirt and listens to the rough, surprised noise Javi makes in his throat. Yuzu is trembling, he can feel it; can feel everything he’s kept hidden inside bubbling under his skin and, suddenly, he needs Javi to kiss him properly more than he’s ever needed anything.

He nods as much as his can, their noses brushing and slides his eyes shut as Javi finally - _finally_ \- kisses him. Yuzu feels like he’s glowing. It’s nothing much, just a dry, sweet warmth but he can feel it from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. The soft touch spreads over his skin like a balm, like he’s floating in the ocean, calm and safe.

Javi’s hand finally loosens around Yuzu’s against his chest and comes up to cradle the other side of Yuzu’s face, his fingers spreading into Yuzu’s hair. He tips Yuzu’s face gently, changing the angle and- oh. Their mouths fit together perfectly like this and it feels more real, feels less like a dream, less like Yuzu could open his eyes and Javi would be gone. Yuzu brings his free hand up and settles it on Javi’s wrist, letting the touch ground him, rubbing against the grain of the hair on Javi’s arm. 

Javi sighs against him and presses closer, kisses him firmly. Yuzu kisses back clumsily, trying his best to follow along, but he feels too giddy. He doesn’t want this to end, but his heart is erratic in his chest, he can feel giggles building in his stomach. He can’t stop making little, high noises - feels them spill Javi’s mouth.

The fingers on Yuzu jaw tighten briefly, digging into his skin, and Yuzu craves whatever mark they could leave if Javi held on tighter. Thankfully before his thoughts can get out of control, Javi pulls back, placing several sweet, lingering kisses as he goes. The sudden distance sparks a whine in Yuzu’s chest. 

Javi is equally as flushed. He is a picture in the low that that Yuzu always wants to remember; the ruddiness of his cheeks, the perfect curl of his eyelashes, his mussed hair. Yuzu isn’t sure how it’s possible but Javi looks even more handsome like this. If this is how Javi always looks when he’s just been kissed Yuzu will vow to never stop kissing him.

Kissing him. Kissing Javi.

Yuzu’s chest feels like it’s caving in - his ribs unable to contain his fluttering breath and wild heart. Dimly, Yuzu is aware every part of his body; feels his veins throbbing, his skin tingling.

Javi’s voice cuts through the din. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Later, when Yuzu thinks back, he’ll be mortified to remember those words, how cheesy they are, but right now Yuzu feels his eyes stinging at how sincere Javi sounds. 

“Don’t,” he squeaks out, leaning forward to hide his face in Javi’s neck, Javi’s hands falling away from his face.

They settle on his body instead. Yuzu has always secretly marvelled at the difference in the sizes of their hands, but the weight of them on his thigh and waist, is one he committed to memory a long time ago. They stroke over him tenderly, almost like Javi is feeling the shape of him. 

“Why now?” Yuzu asks, voice small. They both know there’s no need for an elaboration.

There’s a pause while Javi considers his answer. “I guess now was the right time,” he says.

Yuzu pushes his face tighter against Javi’s skin. “But, you’re leaving,” he says.

Yuzu can feel the vibrations of Javi’s voice against his cheek when he answers, “Not forever.”

That doesn’t have the calming effect on him that he knows Javi hoped it would, but he bites back his complaints.

Instead Yuzu asks, slow and cautious, “Is this-Is this for just tonight?”

The way Javi stills should tell him the answer. He should pull away and leave with the tattered remains of his pride, but he can’t move, if this is only for tonight - a goodbye - then he needs to hear Javi say it.

“Is that what you want?” Javi asks in turn, his voice rough; pained, Yuzu realises.

Relief flooding through him, Yuzu sinks as close as possible against Javi’s chest. 

“No,” he breathes.

Javi eases away from him without speaking. Before Yuzu can say anything, Javi uses the grip on his thigh to pull him closer. He wedges his hands underneath Yuzu, and lifts him easily over his lap. Yuzu yelps, arms flailing as he tries to loop them around Javi’s neck. He wiggles, repositioning himself, realising as he straddles Javi comfortably that he’s back to looking down at him. The heat of of Javi’s thighs underneath him feels too intimate, and for a second Yuzu thinks his cheeks manage to get impossibly darker.

Yuzu can’t hide like this, not with Javi all around him.

Javi looks him over, scanning every inch of his face. 

“What do you want?” Javi asks. He looks so earnest and open in that way only Javi can be.

“What does _Javi_ want?”

That earns him a smile. “I asked you first,” Javi says lightly. He settles his hands on Yuzu’s sides, strokes his thumbs absentmindedly over the jut of Yuzu’s hip bones through his shirt. It’s only a small thing but Yuzu feels like he’s going to shake apart. He’s certain Javi can feel the way the muscles in his abdomen jump.

“I can’t think with that,” Yuzu admits, bumping his hip further into Javi’s hold.

Javi huffs out a laugh but stops, linking his fingers behind Yuzu’s lower back in more neutral territory.

“Um, I,” Yuzu starts, biting his lip under the weight of Javi’s scrutiny. “I just-I just want Javi.”

It’s a monumental thing to finally have to force out, but the lightness it leave behind can’t be described. Yuzu feels like a layer of darkness - of guilt and sadness and fear - has been stripped away by the way Javi’s eyes soften as he says it.

“I’ll be honest I never thought I’d hear you say it,” Javi says, astonished.

Annoyed, Yuzu wacks Javi’s shoulder, “Why ask then?!”

“I wanted you to be honest with me,” he says.

Yuzu rolls his eyes but ducks his head, feeling chastised. “I don’t lie to Javi.”

Javi raising his eyebrows is accusatory in a way that usually gets Yuzu’s back up, but now it just makes his chest pinch. He puffs his cheeks out indignantly. He’s not lying. Yuzu has always told Javi the truth, however, admittedly he has a tendency to leave things out.

Unfortunately, Javi just looks vaguely amused, his eyes shining. Javi breaks out into a full smile when Yuzu takes his face in his hands, holding him securely like Javi always does. 

“Do you want me?” Yuzu asks bluntly.

He can feel the way Javi’s jaw clenches. 

“Of course I want you,” he says, his eyes dark. “Or did you miss me kissing you?”

Yuzu’s breath catches in his chest. Almost as if he’s trying to prove a point, Javi turns his head and kisses the heel of Yuzu’s palm. Once again, Yuzu’s hand is caught in Javi’s much larger grasp. 

“Can you stay tonight?” Javi asks, lips dragging over the delicate curve of Yuzu’s wrist.

Yuzu bites his lip, throat working desperately. He wants to. The fog over his mind - ready to swallow up all his rational thought - is trying to convince him to stay. Realistically, however, he knows he can’t. His mother is coming to pick him up in a couple of hours, and he has training tomorrow. 

“No, I-I have training,” Yuzu says.

The tickle of Javi’s hum makes him shiver. “Are you sure?” Javi rasps.

Yuzu pulls his hands away and taps Javi’s on the end of his nose with his forefinger, giggling shakily as it scrunches.

“Bad Javi,” he says. “I’m not turn lazy like you.”

Yuzu’s heart stutters when Javi leans in close, stroking his thumb along his skin and dropping one final kiss on Yuzu’s pouting lips. Yuzu will never get used to this.

Yuzu presses his face firmly into to the warm, sensitive skin under Javi’s ear; breathing in his scent, feeling every curve of him against his body, the shape of him under his palms. He wants to commit every sense to his memory, to keep with him if the season gets rough.

“Can I stay on you?” Yuzu asks, trying to hide the words in Javi’s neck.

Javi only pulls him in tighter in response, resting his cheek against Yuzu’s temple. 

They need to talk about it. Properly. Figure out whatever this is, what it could be - what they want it to be. For now though, Yuzu is content. Javi draws swirling patterns up Yuzu’s back, and together, their chests moving in harmony, they let time fade away.

**Author's Note:**

> I promised this to people like two weeks ago ashgkasjh i'm so sorry for making everyone wait but i finally did it!!!
> 
> this was my first venture into actual overt romance lmao go me, i hope it was successful ;; 
> 
> now to finally work on my chaptered fic again aaaa!!
> 
> which!! btw if anyone has ever commented on any of my fics and i haven't responded, please know that i've seen it and it am eternally grateful that u spent time telling me u liked something i wrote, it seriously means the absolute world to me i'm just too awkward to respond ;; really tho, thank u!!


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